Damn! If only I could go back in time and change my yearbook quote to “”Hey! Ev’rybody’s gotta wear clothes… and if you don’t, you’ll be arrested. – Mr. T”.

I think my quote was something about my friend sharpening his pencil.

[UPDATE: Faithful SOM reader Chris points out that TJ's math left off a few 0's, but I still like the underlying sentiment here, so I will keep it up – and if you get this e-mail forwarded to you, feel free to point out the bad math to the sender to make them feel stupid, like I just did]

Like many of you, I get forwarded a ton of annoying chain e-mails, but this one I actually felt was worth sharing – mainly because I am poor, but also because I agree that our Government has almost run out of ways to waste our money. (Oh, and for the record, I would get my Toyota Camry gold-plated. I think that would be the best use of the money.)

*I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.*

Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.
Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child.
So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion.. that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a *We Deserve It Dividend*.

Of course, it would *NOT* be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

*What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family

• Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.
• Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads
• Put away money for college – it’ll be there
• Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
• Buy a new car – create jobs
• Invest in the market – capital drives growth
• Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves
• Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else
• Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18_+ _*_including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other companythat is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it.
Sell off its parts.
Let American General go back to being American General.
Sell off the real estate.
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale – We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.”
But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!
How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC .

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

Birk
T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

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