Son Of Macenstein

Seriously. How much malpractice insurance do these girl’s plastic surgeons have?

Suddenly Lisa is looking a little more real…

[via funzombie]

No, don’t let the beard fool you, this is not Papa Smurf. It is a full sized man named Paul who took his self-prescribed “colloidal silver” therapy a little too far. Paul ordered a colloidal silver generator when his friend came down with a case of petroleum poisoning. Paul read that colloidal silver therapy (which consists of drinking small amounts of silver) could help. Even though Paul did not have petroleum poisoning, he began drinking the colloidal silver out of sympathy for his friend. “I thought the kindest thing to do would be to take it with him just to make him more comfortable with the idea.”

Above: Back in 1994, Paul made his living competing in local “Ron Burgandy” competitions (left). But those days are long gone.

Well, one thing led to another, and Paul began using colloidal silver to cure pretty much anything that ailed him, ultimately rubbing the darn stuff on his skin to cure a bad case of dermatitis. Paul now has so much silver in his body that he has developed a rare condition called argyria, in which his skin has become discolored by the silver’s reaction with the sun.

Despite this unfortunate turn of events, Paul’s not feeling too blue (OH NO I DIDN’T!). Actually, Paul has done remarkably well for himself. Somehow he was able to not only find a woman after turning blue, he actually convinced her to marry him. Now that’s love.

Or desperation.

And while Paul’s Ron Burgundy pageant days are likely over, if X-Men 3 taught us anything, it’s that Paul has a bright future as the Secretary of Mutant Affairs. And you KNOW that gig’s gotta pay mega bucks!

[via Oprah.com] yes, You read that right.

I have a somewhat sick fascination with Pizza box art errors, and this one in particular keeps cropping up around here (the Northern NJ area). In an iconic example of irony, it reads “God Bless America”, and features a picture of the American flag… with 51 Stars.

Above: 51 Stars? Just how familiar are these people with America?

The stripes are pretty fucked up too, although I will chalk that up to the “artist’s” attempt to show the flag majestically blowing in the wind. If you count them there are indeed 7 reds and 6 whites, but try to follow the path each stripe takes starting at the left and moving right. Where the hell does that bottom stripe come from that starts halfway across the flag?!?

In the past I just figured this mockingly Un-American show of Americanism was an honest mistake. After all, they clearly want God to bless America. But tonight, for the first time in about 50 pizzas (I order in quite a bit) I decided to flip this box over and see if I could determine what Axis of Evil nation actually manufacturers these things. As the box hit the table, an icy cold gripped my heart as I realized… the makers of this box had tricked us. They were not pro-American at all…

They are PRO PIZZA!

Man. And on Memorial Day of all days…